Is Anonymous Anger Getting the Best of You?

Have you had to make any customer service inquiries recently? How did it go? Did you take the low road to Anonymous Anger, or take the high road to Compassionate Connection?

Does any of this sound at all familiar? There you are, in your day pajamas on the 3^rd month of Covid-19 isolation, trying to sort through a tangle of uncertainty, and handle things that used to be so simple and straightforward – like having your bills setup on auto-pay, and knowing things were handled without having to think much about it?

Now envelopes, bills, and unpaid notices are scattered over the table in front of you, the counter, and maybe spilling over onto the floor, or unopened in piles.

Your mind wanders with your eyes, assessing the damage in front of you, not quite knowing where to start. Did you finally stop all those auto-pays that automatically generated “insufficient funds” charges every 3 days?

How about this thing over here, it’s on “pause”, right?… oh, it was on pause – now it’s time to pay up. Surely some of these papers must be money coming in – a refund perhaps? Someone repaying money you lent them?  What happened to that stimulus check money? You recall the happy day it magically popped into your bank account – but it seems to have vaporized, your balance looks meager, and tax bills are coming up soon! 

So, in a somewhat irritated, desperate, angry, depressed mood, you resolve to make your way through each item, and reach for the phone.

Your first call to a Customer Service number immediately goes to AI, and a robotic voice informs you that due to Covid-19, you cannot speak to a real person, and directs you to a website to search answers to “frequently asked questions” and automatically disconnects you. Bummer. You don’t even attempt going to the website because you know how that goes – you’ll invariably enter a search term that generates generic solutions you’ve already tried, and just leaves you stranded with no way to address your specific situation.  

So you go and pick up the next paper, realize there is no contact info, spend 20 minutes searching their website, victoriously locate a phone number, and reach for the phone again. This time the electronic AI voice leads you through a maze of menu options. You listen, and press 7 – listen again, and press 3 – listen again and press 4 – listen again and – wait! What happened? Your got disconnected! Aaaagh!

Your stomach and teeth start to clench as you mutter profanities, your dog whimpers, and you reach for the next item. You dial the phone and – wow! A human being answers! But… it’s not the right department, so you’re put on hold while they transfer you to the next person. The elation of speaking to a human instantly dissolves, and all the frustrations of the last 3 months coalesce, rearing one big ugly head that unleashes onto the friendly customer service agent who finally takes you off hold.

Normally, you’re a pretty sympathetic, kind, patient person, but for just a moment (or maybe 5 minutes) that version of you is nowhere in sight, as you rant and rave into the phone. It feels kind of good, almost euphoric, to get it all out of your system, and then, when you finally stop, you feel drained with the relief of finally letting go of a huge weight…. The only problem is, thereis an actual human being on the other end of the phone this time.

You have a fleeting sense of embarrassment, but their inability to find your account right away, followed by probing questions about your payment history, just sets you off again, and another burst of rage spews from your mouth into your phone, to the human being who has had these kind of angry calls blasted into their headset clad ears all day long.

The customer service rep projects calm on the outside, but on the inside, their stomach churns and their nerves are shot. It’s like having to keep a smile on your face while you get punched in the gut with your hands tied behind your back, because “this call may be recorded”. They’d like to give you a piece of their mind in exchange for yours, but they bite their tongue because their performance will be judged by your customer survey and whomever listens to those recorded calls.

They try to be grateful to have a job at all, but secretly they envy the unemployed who are getting an extra $600/wk in Covid-19 stimulus. The Customer Service Rep pops a pill for migraines and eyes the clock in anticipation of their next 15-minute break.

That’s the work of “Anonymous Anger”, where we take our frustrations out on someone we can’t see, will never meet, and can’t talk back.

During Covid-19 shutdowns, tight restrictions on human interactions has made them all the more precious… even with Customer Service Reps.  So why waste them?

Here are some ways to trade in “Anonymous Anger” for “Compassionate Connecting.”

If you get into a situation of being cut off after having been on hold for a long time and/or you had a bad interaction with someone, perhaps the one you’re sheltering in place with, take a break – do not go to the next call immediately, because more than likely you will carry that negativity over into your next call.

Pause. Take deep cleansing breathes. This is one way to change your state. It gives negativity a chance to die, dissipate, or go out of your focus. Otherwise you risk amplifying anger, and we just saw where that can take you.

Then, start your next call off with a positive question and/or a statement like “I hope you are having a great day!” Say it with enthusiasm even if you are faking it, because that will set the tone for the whole ensuing conversation.

It will take the edge off both you and the person with whom you are talking to, who may already be expecting the worse from you, and bracing themselves to be yelled at.

When I start off with high energy and compassion, I usually get even more than I want in return. I had a conversation with someone the other day – it started off as a standard Customer Service call and evolved into a delightful exchange. She remarked that my positive attitude really stood out, in contrast to the typical calls she gets, and she asked me where my positive attitude came from.

I told her that I am an inspirational speaker, and that many people have given me similar feedback – that my enthusiastic and positive nature just brightened their day. I got her to chuckle at my name “Fantastic Frank,” and suggested check out my website FFHero.com.  I don’t know if she did or not, but she said she would after she got off work. So, not only can you get better service, but you may even gain a new friend who signs up on your mailing list or social media, to further enjoy connecting with you.

Another thing to do right before calling Customer Service, is to take a moment to remember that when you finally get through to a person, that they are a human being, not the company. The person on the other end is most likely NOT personally responsible for whatever your situation is. In fact, the responsible party might be you!

So, you are talking to someone who gets yelled at all day for things they are not personally responsible for – how would that feel? If you start with a little empathy, that can go a long way.

You can engage them as a partner in resolving your issue, rather than treat them like an adversary. Say something like “How are you holding up under the Covid-19 situation?” “Are you working from home? Are your kids driving you nuts?” or simply ask “How is your day going?”

Some of these calls are recorded, so they won’t be at liberty to say something like “I just spoke to a jerk who really got me down” – they may just give a standard pleasant response – which, even if they didn’t mean it, it will still set things off on a good foot, because at least you’ve acknowledged them as a human being, and not an emotionless representation of a corporation that should be yelled at.

Try it – you may be surprised what a difference Compassionate Connecting makes! Or maybe not – maybe you’re already doing your own version…and want to pass on an inspiring story. What is it? Please share – I’d love to hear from you! Write to me at Frank@FantasticFrankJohnson.com

Love
FFJ

PS – Due to Coronavirus social distancing guidlines, I am not doing public speaking at the moment. However I am available as an inspirational guest on radio, podcasts, etc.